Changes in Life

On Friday my 6-year-old flew on a plane from Utah to Washington all by himself to visit his dad. It has been a huge thing for me to have him suddenly gone from my every day life. Although he will return in just a few shorts weeks, already I feel a void from his absence. Change bothers me, as I am sure it does most of us at some point or another in life. Why do we resist change? Is it the unknown? The pain we must encounter occasionally when change occurs? The loss we may feel at times? I have felt for quite some time now that I needed to write a post about change. Life is full of changes. In fact, the only one thing that we can count on in life is change. It is inevitable. It is happening constantly in our lives, in our bodies, and in our minds. We are forever growing and transforming into something new all the time. So why is change so hard for us to grasp at times?
Lately it seems my life has completely changed into something far different than I ever imagined. Sometimes it seems that I can't get ahead, and other times it seems like everything is as it should be. I feel a great deal of ambivalence about which direction I should take my life. All of a sudden I am bothered by things, I find myself feeling very emotional about situations that I am not involved in, and I feel like life is so precious that I could lose my loved ones at any moment. I don't like those feelings of uncertainty. I don't really like the unknown. Although life is full of unknowns, so I am trying desperately to embrace my life as it is right now and not worry so much about the uncontrollable future.
Don't get me wrong, I am not an unhappy person. I love my life, and the people in it. I feel a great deal of strength from my family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. I know life is changing for the better, it is just a matter of learning how to make sense of the changes, and how to build myself up to be the best person I can.
I feel badly that I put my religion on the back burner for so long. It wasn't intentional, it's just that work and life seemed to take precedence over it. I love my religion, and I know that it is the true church, so I am trying with all I have to become active again. I really want all the blessings that are promised to us in the scriptures. For those of you who are curious, I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Go here for more information about what we believe. During the April 2011 General Conference, there was a talk that really struck me. It was by Elder Paul V. Johnson. His talk was all about trials and how they strengthen us. He said, "Trials are not just to test us. They are vitally important to the process of putting on the divine nature." He calls our trials vitally important. In the scriptures, some of the darkest most painful trials are immediately followed by the grandest of blessings. I wholeheartedly believe this. Although it doesn't make our trials at the time any easier to bear, it at least gives us strength to keep going.
Sometimes our most distressing trials can change us forever in the grandest of ways. Ways we can not even fathom at that time of our life. It can be days, weeks, months, or even years before the trial of our faith is over. But if we persevere, our blessing will have the most magnificent of rewards.
At times our journey will be painful. But the only way to see the view from the top is to make the climb. I am consistently amazed how Heavenly Father’s plan for me is far better than the plan I had for myself. Life’s little detours, though sometimes painful, have always led me to higher ground. It is so much easier to see the big picture from higher up. From up high, we can see how what seemed like winding trails lined with burrs and thistles, were really the most direct path to our ultimate destination. We realize that our muscles are toughened from the vigorous climb, and our hearts strengthened in endurance. Most of all, I do not believe we could appreciate the beauty of the view should we not have struggled to arrive there. I am certain that the things we prize most are the ones we worked hardest for.
THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE IN WHAT WE LONG FOR, WHAT WE SETTLE FOR, AND WHAT WE ARE MEANT FOR. I believe that I am destined to do great things in life, and I will settle for nothing less than all the great things I deserve in life, regardless of any trials and setbacks I will undoubtedly encounter on this journey.
 

To my sweet Hayden...the things I love about you!

1) I love that you are so forgiving, There are people in your life that have let you down, yet you always choose to rise above it all and keep going. You are such an example to me.2) I love your funny sense of humor. You know how to really make people laugh from their heart.
3) I love your cute little duck feet :)
4) I love that you always say you love me, even when we're just sitting watching a movie together or riding bikes. You say it at the most random times, and I know it comes straight from the heart.
5) You have shown me what it means to have courage and to face life head on.
6) You have reminded me what it truly means to be a child of God.
7) I love that you remind me to say prayers and read scriptures, even when I'm too tired to think and just want to go to bed.
8) Thank you for teaching me how to love you unconditionally in a whole new way, the way only a parent can love their child.
9) I love the way you pray to Heavenly Father, and pray for people all around you, and pray about funny things too. I love how thoughtful you are.
10) I love that you love almost every fruit and vegetable there is, and that you inspire me to continue eating healthy each and every day.
11) I love your perfect little teeth :)
12) I love that you have good hygiene, even at such a young age. You take time to brush your teeth well, wear clean clothes (most of the time) and wash your hands after using the bathroom without even being reminded.
13) Thank you for inspiring me to continue changing for the better, and encouraging me to keep going even though you didn't even know you were doing it.
14) You are a wonderful artist, and I am so grateful for all the pictures you draw and paint for me. Just so you know I have saved them all :)
15) Sometimes you tell me I'm pretty, even when I just got out of bed and have crazy hair and unbrushed teeth. And the best part is that I know you truly think I am pretty. Children have an amazing way of seeing our inner beauty.
16) I love when you laugh in your sleep. Sometimes I will be laying there and hear you giggle, and it just makes me feel so happy to have you in my life.
17) I love how creative your mind is, and how I can look at you when you're watching shows like Dennis the Menace or Home Alone and see the wheels in your head turning, trying to figure out how to be as mischievous as they are.
18) I love the way you find the beauty in all things. An example would be the other day when you picked Aunt Jeanne's apricots off of her trees because they were "fuzzy and soft."
19) I love how charming you are, and how you can make my heart melt just by smiling at me when I'm upset with you.
20) I love that you have so much energy, and that you enjoy things that are really fun.
21) I love that you can hike almost as far as an adult can...I don't know many kids who can RUN up The Emerald Pools trail at Zion's, run back down, and then want to go again.
22) I love that you enjoy doing chores, especially ones like cleaning the toilet and scrubbing the bath tub. It sure takes a load off of me.
23) I love that even though sometimes you act like you are a toughie, deep down you are a softie. One thing that I really enjoy seeing is the way you interact with babies. It is so sweet to see you make silly faces at babies we see at the store, and how they giggle and laugh because you made them happy. I love how gentle you are.
24) I love how much you have taught me about life, and how you have given me a chance to apply the lessons I've learned in life to a real situation.
25) I love the way you feel music in your body, and how you can keep rhythm really well. It makes me smile when you play the air guitar or the air piano, or how you imitate almost EVERY instrument you hear and play it in the air, lol.
26) I love when you sing songs while we're in the car, songs I had no idea you even knew the words to. One of my favorite songs you sing is Love Today by Mika. Also Hand In My Pocket and Hey, Soul Sister.
27) I love how independent you aspire to be, I know you will go far in life in whatever you want to do because you have the courage and determination to do ANYTHING!
28) I love the way that you can do anything you put your mind to, like when we got you your new bike last summer and before we could put the training wheels on you jumped on and took off down the street and taught your self to ride. You never cease to amaze me!
29) I love how you are a dreamer, and that you view the world the way you see it, and not necessarily the way it is. That is an amazing trait to have, because too many people lose hope when all they see is the negative in the world. It takes a dreamer to see the positive.
30) I simply love the way you love me


A child knows love from being loved. I love my child not only for who he is, but also for what he will be. I have loved him from the day he was born, and will love him for my entire life. His actions will never change this. My love will only grown stronger as he becomes his own person and chooses his own path. I need to thank him when he is older, he is an inspiration to me to want to be better and better each day.

Hayden, I am writing this because I want you to know that I am so lucky to have you in my life, I am so blessed to know such a sweet boy, and you bring joy to my life that only a child can bring. I want you to know that I see all these things in you and so much more. Always remember who you are, and what you are capable of achieving in this life. I know you will go far my little man :)

A Day in the Life of Hayden

Hayden, when you read this in the future, I just want you to know that it is a beautiful life with you. I love you so much little guy. I'm so glad to have you in my life.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Seven Peaks 2011

We took the kids to Seven Peaks and it was a blast. Tyler was kind of afraid of the water, but even he enjoyed it. We went on slides, played in the kid pool, got some SUN, and goofed off all day. The boys did a pretty good job following directions, which was really nice. HUGE BONUS! They turned into hellians on the way home, they were all tired and ornery as hell. Oh well that is to be expected I guess when you take your kids out into the hot sun all day. All in all though I enjoyed my day and I hope to be able to go again soon. Here are some pictures of us :)

 Tyler and Hayden getting ready to leave the house to go to Seven Peaks!!

 

Me and AJay at the pool

 

Hayden being a grumpy butt and not letting me kiss him. But I got one anyways and he couldn't help but smile. I'm cool like that.

Haha I was just messing around in this pic but it turned out cute I think. 

Me and Tyler leaving Seven Peaks.

AJay at home before we left to go swimming.

Me and my best friend Kalee. I really love this picture it we look really cute and really happy in it. 

 Super cute picture of all the boys together. I made all of their towels for Easter to go along with their Seven Peaks Passes. I'm loving the bright colors in the sunshine!

What we're up to

Oh heck it's been quite a long time since I have posted on my blog. I meant to post like every day but as we all can see that didn't happen. So what's new in our life? Hmmm...let's see. We had our ups and downs, but things seem to be settling down for the most part.
Tyler turned 4 on April 16th. We had a family party and it was a lot of fun. He had a Buzz Lightyear cake that was really cute, and he got spoiled rotten with presents. I got him a bike and he loved it. Wouldn't you know it, his dad took the training wheels off after a few weeks and he hopped on and off he went. It is the exact same thing that Hayden did when we took his training wheels off. The boys are getting super big. I can't believe that Tyler is 4 and Hayden is 6, almost 7. Where does the time go?
This was them not too long ago...sigh :(

We had a fun Easter, I made the kids some hooded towels and got them swimming trunks and a Seven Peaks Pass for each one of them. Hopefully the weather will cooperate so we can actually go. This rain and cold feels like it has lasted FOREVER. Oh well I guess I should be happy for the moisture. 
Hayden finished his 1st grade year, and on grade level too. I am so proud of him. School is a struggle for him, and the year felt super long. But we did it and we are so happy for a break this summer. Hayden also completed Stride, a 13 week after-school program that works on kid's social skills and how to communicate in an appropriate manner. We loved the staff, and Hayden loved them. He finished his program the same day school got out.
Hayden has been really acting out for the last month. I know it has a lot to do with my stress and I feel like a really bad mom sometimes. I want him to have the best life possible, and it makes me really sad that he is stressed out. I am really hoping it will pass soon. It seems like no matter what I do he wants to do the opposite. 
I have been really sick, it seems like my body just does not want to get better in a lot of ways. I will hopefully have some answers really soon, because I am tired of always feeling like I ran a marathon by 10:00 each morning. It is getting really old. Despite my setbacks I am trying really hard to keep a positive attitude. It has not been easy, but it has made all the difference in the world.
My nephew Drew was born on May 20th, and it has been such a blessing to have him in our lives. He is such a sweet heart, and I have got to spend a lot of time holding him. I feel like I have a really good bond with him, and I am so grateful he is here. I love him so much. It is really fun to see Hayden and tyler interact with him. They like to touch his soft head and talk to him, and they can't get over how tiny his little hands, feet, and ears are. I love it!
Well that is about all that is new in our life right now. I am hoping for a very fun summer with the boys. I am making a goal right now to be better at updating this blog.

This month has been beyond crazy for us! I feel like we have been going 100 miles an hour for the last few months and I am exhausted. Hayden finally started his Stride program. I am really excited for him to excel in this program. The primary focus of the program is to teach your children how to handle social situations better, and how to communicate to the world in a proper way. Hayden started it on Tuesday, and seems to not like it too much. I am not surprised, I had a feeling it may be a little stressful for him. But we are hanging in there, hopefully it will get better as he learns all they are trying to teach him. I feel it is really important for him to keep going. I am still working, and trudging along as best I can despite the fact that I am under some major stress. I have been sick the past little while, with absolutely no energy. Hopefully it will pass in the next few weeks or so. I am ready to get back to being the old me. Something fun I did this month was get me and he kids 7 Peaks passes for the summer, but the bonus is that there is a year long pass for Trafalga for unlimited miniature golfing and go carts and stuff, plus season tickets to the Owls games and the Utah Flash games. It's going to be super fun. I try to do all I can to give Hayden all he could ever want and need. It is a lot of work, but the reward will be so worth it in the end. I really hope he looks back on this time of life and sees just how much I love him.

Finally a blog update!!!

Oh geez it has been too dang long since I have posted on my blog. A lot has happened in the past few months, some of which is important to share, some that isn't, all of it life-changing. December was a crazy month for me. I had a lot of ups and downs, and discovered some things about myself that I didn't know. I realized that I am stronger than I ever thought, and that I can pretty much overcome anything. Despite any setbacks I may have faced, I continued to work and do what I had to do to make it a good Christmas for my little Hayden. We had a pretty decent Christmas, I decided to keep it simple this year. I bought Hayden all of what was on his list, thankfully it wasn't much haha. He was really happy with what we got, and we had a fun day. Christmas Eve he put on his Christmas jammies that I made, and they turned out really cute. I was happy because I put a lot of work into them. He's my little rockstar :)

After Christmas we celebrated New Year's. My best friend Kalee came over and we ate like pigs the whole night. Both kids stayed up til midnight to watch the ball drop, and I was amazed that a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old had so much stamina. They were still wired even when it was bedtime. We discovered (too late) that the kids had gotten into markers...no wonder it was so quiet. They literally covered nearly every inch of their bodies in marker. It took about a week for it to come off fully. They made beards, socks, gloves, and various other designs on their bodies. It was a riot. Better than the walls, right?

Overall it was a fun night, and it was a tradition with me and Kalee years ago to spend New Year's together, so now that she's back in Utah it just seemed right to continue with our tradition. Right after New Year's came my 25th birthday. It was an ok day, I ended up having to work (lame-o), and I had been sick to my stomach for the week prior to that including that day, so that part sucked. But when I got home from work, my mom had made me a nice dinner, and it made all the stress of the day just kinda melt away. To top it off, my best friend showed up with a cake and a way sweet card (she knows how to get me crying) and everybody sang happy birthday to me. It was awesome!

Well, that's about all that has changed in life. Nothing too interesting, but lots of good memories. I am excited for what the future will bring for me and my little family...hopefully it's lots of great things! Here are a few more pics of what we have been up to.

My little H-ster is growing like a little weed!

Just being a cutie!

Me and my best friend hanging out

My little math whiz.

A new haircut

Hayden's 1st Grade School Pic

Little cuddle bug

My little teddy bear :)

Freakin awesome lego firefighter at Toys R Us, or as Hayden calls it, Kids Play. It took 190 hours to build, and used a whopping 21,367 lego bricks!!!

All-time best picture in the whole wide world!!! Hayden was supposed to get in the tub, but the tv distracted him apparently...haha.

**Stay tuned for my next blog update...it's one you definitely don't want to miss :) I have a surprise to share.

New Year's Resolutions 2011

1. To take a picture of Hayden everyday. What am I setting myself up to do? Well, I really would hate for Hayden to suddenly be an adult and not have a gazillion pictures. Seriously kids grow up so fast and I do not want to miss any bit of his cute little faces.

2. To post on at least one of my blogs, once a week. Even if it's just something small.

3. To be more financially secure.

4. To go back to school to finish my degree in social work.

5. To vamp up my style a little bit.

6. To sew more and craft more, because I really enjoy doing it.

7. To be more organized.

That's it for now.